


And The (Fourth) Wall Comes Tumbling Down

by L_Moonshade



Series: Altered Realities [13]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-19
Updated: 2015-01-19
Packaged: 2018-03-08 04:33:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3195476
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/L_Moonshade/pseuds/L_Moonshade
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"So, I just met the most wonderful woman. Ah, you should have seen her, all tight leather and big guns. She was something. And you know what, I think she likes me. How did a Merc like me meet a woman like her you ask? Well, it all started when… Wait a minute. Is it just me, or is this the perfect place for a flashback?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	And The (Fourth) Wall Comes Tumbling Down

Woo, the sniper for the op, lowered his rifle at the same time that Methos' voice came over the comm. "Target is down, but it wasn't us."

Kate heard the rustling of cloth just a moment before someone landed on the roof. She turned, caught a glimpse of a red and black costume and a gun pointed at her, and dodged. The bullet ripped through her shoulder and she drew and fired, hitting the shooter in the head.

"Holy crap. Is that Deadpool?"

"Yes. Get out of here."

Woo looked at her like she was crazy. "He's dead, what…"

"He's not, trust me. Get gone."

"I…"

Kate pushed Woo aside as Deadpool moved, but it wasn't quite enough and he took a shot to the arm. Again Kate fired, again she hit Deadpool in the head, and again the mercenary went down.

"What the fuck?"

"Now you know why no one's ever been able to kill the motherfucker," Kate said, going over to shoot the mercenary once more. Then she grabbed the swords from his back. "You okay to move?"

"Yeah. Why?"

Kate sighed and turned to Woo. "Because he's here to kill either you or me, and I'm in better shape to deal with him."

It was only then that Woo realized she didn't even look like she'd been shot. "You're going to catch hell from Mikkelson."

Kate scoffed; she had definite opinions about Mikkelson. "I can deal with him," she said, shooting Deadpool one more time as he began to stir. "Now would you please get the fuck out of here so I can stop wasting my ammo keeping him dead?"

Woo shook his head. "You are a strange one, Lang."

"You have no idea," she said. Then, reaching up to trigger the comm in her ear, "Mikkelson, I'm going radio silent to deal with Deadpool." Then she put the point of a sword to Deadpool's throat and waited, Mikkelson's shouts and threats a constant until she reached up and turned the comm off completely.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

When Deadpool revived for good, he found himself on his back, the woman who'd shot him standing over him. She had his swords, one of which was pointing at his throat.

**_"Ooh, you got pwned!"_** a little yellow box read. **_"And by a_** **girl _, too!"_**

"Shut up, let me handle this," Deadpool said at the same time that the girl said, "Hey! Who're you calling a girl?"

"…"

**_"…"_ **

"... Fuck, I can see the yellow boxes. Does this mean I'm as crazy as you are?"

**_"Who're you calling crazy?"_ **

Kate scoffed. "He definitely is," she said, tapping Deadpool's leg with her foot. "Jury's still out on you. If I let you up, are you going to try to kill me?"

"I'd love to let you go, but if I do that I don't get paid."

"So what was Forbes? Charity?"

There was a long pause during which a little yellow box popped up to say, **_"She does have a point."_**

"Just a moment of your time, Wade. If you still feel the need after I'm done talking, you're welcome to continue trying to kill me." When he said nothing, she sighed. "Fine. I'll buy the chimichangas."

"Well, hey, who could turn down an offer that good?"

Kate offered him his swords back. "You been hired to take out anyone else in SHIELD?"

"Fury, some guy called Barton who uses a bow…" he said, popping to his feet.

He found himself with a gun pointed at his head. Again. "You don't want to make that hit. Because if you do, I swear I will lock you in a dark room…"

"Is that supposed to scare me?"

"With a herd of cows," she finished, voice dark and dangerous.

**_"Ooh, she's good."_ **

She gave a feral grin. "Why, thank you, little yellow box."

Deadpool sheathed his swords and crossed his arms. " _My_ little yellow box," he pouted. Then, "If I give up the hits, you'd better make it worth my while."

"Give me the time it takes to eat a plate of chimichangas and I'll see what I can do."

He considered that for a moment, then grabbed Kate's arm and pulled her around so she was standing next to him, his arm slung over her shoulders. "And this, Kids, is what's called a smash cut. It's used when the writer doesn't want to take the time to show what's going on, doesn't _know_ what's going on, or doesn't want _you_ to know what's going on."

"If we're done with the visual arts lesson?"

"Your place or mine?" And why, Kate thought, did she have the feeling he was waggling his eyebrows under his mask?

"I am asking for so much trouble."

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

When Kate made it back to the safe house, Mikkelson was on her case at once. "Considering Deadpool isn't with you, he'd better be dead."

"I was unable…"

"That is unacceptable."

Kate's eyebrows shot up. "There's only so much I can do with someone who will not come in no matter what I say and is a much, much better fighter than I am."

"I repeat, that is unacceptable."

Kate barely refrained from rolling her eyes. "Then I guess there's nothing left for me to say," she said, then headed into the bedroom she was using.

Mikkelson frowned deeply. "What the hell?"

"In Lang-speak, that means she has no intentions of trying to explain herself," Methos said. "And, knowing her, probably never did."

Mikkelson sniffed, offended. "She's never going to make it in this business if she can't follow orders."

Methos snorted. "Sometimes, it's better to know when not to," he said, then stalked off.

Woo blinked a couple of times. "The fuck just happened?"

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Canton finished the report and sighed. "And this proves what?"

"Woo got shot because he stopped to question Lang," Phil said. "But she couldn't explain to him how she knew what she knew, even if she'd had the time."

"She couldn't have explained it to Barton, either."

"No. The difference is, she wouldn't have had to."

Canton took a long moment to study his son and consider all the ramifications. He was afraid that he was asking for trouble, but Phil did have a point. Kate had knowledge that could be used, but only by a handler who was aware of the situation and with agents who trusted her without question, and she certainly couldn't go telling everyone. Finally he reached down and pulled out a form to sign.

"Go ahead and get your dream team together," he said, sliding the page over to Phil. "Just be careful. There is a lot that could go wrong, here."

Phil nodded. "I know. I'll keep as much distance as I can."

Canton let Phil go, then heaved another sigh.

"It's that 'as I can' that worries me."

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Kate, Methos, and Clint were in Phil's office with lunch when he got there. "It's about time, Sir," Clint said. "We got you your favorite."

Phil's stomach rumbled with the smell of food. "Thanks," he said. "Not that I know how you know…"

"We're sneaky and underhanded like that," Kate said. "How bent out of shape is the director?"

"Fairly, but not just because of you. Given recent events, he feels it would be better to put you with a handler and partner who won't question knowledge you shouldn't have. As of now, the three of you are permanently assigned to me."

"Good," Methos said. "It'll be nice to be with someone who knows not to freak if I'm dead."

"And someone who'll let me use a bow."

Phil turned to Kate. "I'd like to come up with a code you can use to tell us when we need to act on your knowledge, if you think you can avoid overusing it."

"A wise man once told me to just live my life. I'm going to do my best to stick to that."

Phil nodded. "Good. I was thinking Michael Kilo." When Kate gave a questioning look, he gave a little smile. "Meta knowledge."

Kate looked at him for a moment then laughed. "Have I mentioned that I love your sense of humor?"

"Yes. But you're welcome to mention it again."

"I love your sense of humor."

Clint looked from Phil to Kate and back. "What am I missing?"

"Through a long and involved series of events…"

"Don't let Phil lie to you," Methos said. "It's highly unbelievable, not complicated."

Phil gave Methos a weary look. "Are you finished? Agent Lang sometimes knows things she has no business knowing."

"Like how to stay alive when Deadpool has a hit out on you."

Clint's jaw dropped. "You survived Deadpool? How the fuck did you manage that?"

"I will…" Kate trailed off at Phil's glare, "absolutely not tell you while you're out apartment hunting with us."

Phil sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Why did I think this would be a good idea?"

"Aww, you know you love us, Sir," Clint said.

"Yes, and I remind myself of that every day. Several times a day. As I was saying, when Lang calls Michael Kilo, you are to listen to her without question."

"With the understanding that you may never get an explanation," Methos said. "That should be said."

Phil nodded. "You're right."

Clint leaned over and stole one of Kate's dumplings. "You know you don't need a code to get me to trust you, right, Fluffy?"

She stole a crab Rangoon from him and gave him a warm smile. "I know, Carny. But thanks for saying."

"Anything on the agenda?" Methos said.

Phil tapped a folder on his desk. "We've got an easy one for our first assignment as a team."

"Please tell me I'm actually going to have something to do on this op."

Clint groaned. "Damn it, Royce, don't you know better than to say something like that? Now it's going to go all pear-shaped."

"I hope not," Phil said. "It's a milk run; you know how bad those are when they blow up. Royce, Lang, how do you feel about undercover work?"

As they went over the op and made plans (complete with snarky comments all around), Phil looked around at his agents and smiled. It wasn't exactly what he wanted, but it was good enough.

And maybe someday, he'd come to actually believe that.

**Author's Note:**

> I know it's probably pushing it to give Kate the ability to see Deadpool's little yellow boxes, but there are two factors I considered. One, she knows she's in a reality that is (at least nominally) fictional and two, there is just too much comedy potential there. I won't be abusing it; she's not going to have any of her own and 'Pool's not going to show up too often. He's a blast, but he's pretty hard to write. Speaking of, much thanks to my daughter (a huge Deadpool fan) for help with his characterization. Thanks also to her roomie for helping me decide what I had to explicitly spell out and what I could leave a bit ambiguous. And, as always, thanks to Raynbowz for the beta. She has no familiarity with Deadpool whatsoever, and was instrumental in helping me keep this from being too confusing.
> 
> Deleted and reposted to fix errors


End file.
